Hide Away

"Where do the good boys go to hide away? I'm a good girl who needs a little company. Searching high and low, somebody let me know where do the good boys go to hide away?"

Daya girl, you nailed it! Seriously though? I know this is an age old adage of where have the good men gone, but for real, where are they? Give me about five minutes and I can compile a list of single men who: live at home, are unemployed, have achieved high records in video games, or who may have a job, but are making minimum wage with no end goal, and really no reason to succeed. This is not to say that I also don't also know some fabulous men, who are living their dreams, chasing their goals, and who seem to be pretty stable (financially, and mentally). but guess what? Most of the time they are taken. Tis the story of being single in 2015. I am sure you have heard it time and time again. I'm not here to complain, or pull at your heart strings, or beg for sympathy, I'm here to tell you to
STOP asking when "it's going to be my turn,"
STOP telling me "don't worry it will happen when it's right."
STOP assuming I'm just being too picky.

Times have changed.Women are in the driver's seat more often then not, and while I love being an empowered woman, that unfortunately makes men back down, and cower in a corner...or so I assume, because nothing is happening, and I literally don't see them fighting for anything. No dates, no texts, no effort. I have my fair share of blame in the effort department, don't get me wrong, but I almost feel like I have been forced to give up because there are just no options, and my dating life is pretty stagnate.

Guys, stop being intimidated by women who know what they want, and take control. Wouldn't you want a woman who can fend for herself, but will be more then happy to let you kill the spiders and save the day? Is there a happy medium?

I was talking to another member of the independent single ladies club recently, and she recounted her story, of being divorced twice now, and not shopping around for a third at any point in the horizon. I asked if she believed that two people could be truly happy together, and she said emphatically YES! Both of her children are married to amazing people, and she sees true love in their eyes.Adorable right? Are they problem free? Of course not, but do they have open communication to work things out when the going gets tough (which it always does)? ABSOLUTELY!

Another thing we discussed was specific characteristics of our (as of yet) fictional Mr. Rights. She asked me to pick only ONE characteristic. My one characteristic is reliable. I want someone who is where they say they will be when they say they will be there. Someone who is on time. If we make plans on Sunday for the next weekend I don't want to have to check in mid-week, then again Saturday afternoon to confirm our dinner date. I feel like this is the most illusive of all the characteristics, and could be why I am having so many problems finding Mr. Right. For some reason humans are not reliable. In the olden days people had to be reliable, there were no cell phones to text or call and cancel. You did what you said you were going to do. Our favorite hand held devices have unfortunately destroyed people's ability to commit and follow through on plans. If I had a dollar for every time I heard "that sounds so fun! Let's do it", only to get canceled on, rescheduled or forgotten. The awesome thing about cell phones is that they have these amazing calendars in them You put something on your calendar, it saves it, AND it even reminds you! There is no excuse for not following through.

Here are the quick statistics I did in my head: *note I am a far cry from a mathematician, and numbers may be slightly exaggerated*
Take the whole world, the percentage of people who possess the reliability gene is about 15%. Before you fight me on this one think of the world as a whole, and culturally. Most cultures are late to everything, and have zero regard for time in general. Okay now we're at our 15% of the world, then we divide that in half, because half of those would be men, so now I've got 7.5% of the world I could be happy with. Okay that's fine, I only need one. Then we take that number again and divide it into a 19th because I want to get married in the temple to a worthy priesthood holder who belongs to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints. This people is where my math gets a little shotty, but according to my calculations there are about 20 men in the WORLD who fit these two qualifications. and that isn't even accounting for men who are already married or dating someone. So let's say I now have 9 men who aren't taken, and would be absolutely perfect for me...WHERE ARE THEY HIDING? Are they even American? This ladies and gents is where I am at a loss. I know my Mr. Right is out there, but help a sister out! Where is he?

As I am about to give up on the pursuit,I ask myself, why do people of my generation give up so easily? Did the pioneers give up in heading out west to settle Salt Lake? NOPE! Did our founding fathers give up in building this great ole USA? NO WAY! Why are we so quick to throw in the towel and go take a nice hot bubble bath, and have our Mothers tell us we are special, and we can do anything? Don't get me wrong, I do believe that we are all special, and we can do anything we put our minds to, but that will not happen if we give up at the first chance of failure, or the second we feel scared, we throw in the towel and pull the sheets over our heads.  Forging new paths is scary. No one has ever been down a brand new path before, there is no instruction manual, or google to help navigate which direction you should head. Each of our lives is a brand new path. No one has traveled down exactly the same road as us. It's not all roses and sunshine. The road to success is not a linear path, it looks more like this:

I digress, I won't give up. I won't give in to the fairy tale road to success. I'm on a bumpy path, and it will take time. I'll need to take a break to refuel, work on me, and keep the end in sight, maybe Mr. Right is just around the next corner, I'll put on my big girl panties, lace up my shoes, and get on with my life. Mr. Right will find me, because after all I don't want a guy I have to find hiding under a rock, so why would I ever for one second be that girl? 

Forever is a long time and I wouldn't mind spending it by your side

Hiking: sweat, heavy breathing, dirt, bugs, wild animals, scratchy plants, branches in your face, sunburns...worth it? No. 

I have never loved hiking. I am too much of a get it done person, and not enough of a stop and smell the roses person. Hiking while not taking your time just leaves you out of breath and sweaty. That is no fun! You have to take your time to enjoy the hike. Last year I hiked ensign peak all alone just to prove to myself that I could do it, and to see if I really did hate hiking. I took my time, and took frequent breaks and tries to enjoy nature and my surroundings, it was the best ensign peak hike I have even been on! Why because I had all the time in the world and didn't have to worry about keeping up. Have I wanted to do it again since? Eh, not really. Definitely not my first choice of activities. For me, I think solo is the way to do it though, I hate to be the one in the group to ask to stop! So embarrassing!  The only problem with solo hiking is that is it's not safe. So...no hiking for me! Darn! 

Every time I do go hiking the people on the trails are so happy and friendly, I on the other hand am just wondering when it will be over. Don't talk to me, don't look at me just keep moving. I don't mind nature...if it is covered in sunscreen and bug spray, and music. At that point I might as well just go to the pool! Now that is my kind of nature! 

Another weird thing I was realizing is people always talk about how the view at the top is worth it. For me a view is a view. After hiking halfway up Bells Canyon to watch the fireworks on the 4th of July I realized that the view over the Salt Lake Valley is the same on top of a mountain, as it is driving up any of the tall hills that overlook the city. Next time I opt to drive up somewhere high, not hike! Bleh! The view was good, but worth it? Not really. Plus I was all red and sweaty at the top! Gross. 

Another thing about the view. I can get the same breathtaking feelings looking at a picture, and that way I don't physically have to loose my breath! I love photography, and that is all I need to feel satisfied! So hikers, take pictures of your amazing views, and I'll give it a like on Facebook, but please don't make me go hiking with you! Thanks!

We don't have the time to be sorry, so baby be the life of the party

The Church of Jesus Christ

I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

I know who I am.

I know God’s plan.

I’ll follow him in faith.

I believe in the Savior, Jesus Christ.

I’ll honor his name.

I’ll do what is right;

I’ll follow his light.

His truth I will proclaim.

Words and music: Janice Kapp Perry, b. 1938. © children's songbook 

I have been singing this song since I could talk, and the words have never rung truer to me until recently when faced with many friends who claim to live the gospel of Jesus Christ, and simply do not. There are so many people member of the church, or not who question the church, and it's truthfulness, or wonder if they can believe everything but that one controversial topic. My personal answer is no. "Who's on the lord's side who? Now is the time to tell." (LDS Hymn) we cannot be standing on the fense. We are either in or out. If we truly understand the gospel we would be able to make a choice, and accept the whole gospel. If we think we can believe only certain things we are not a true disciple of Jesus Christ. I was talking with a client who said "I could never practice a religion where I am told what to do." My response was simply, she must not understand the religion because The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is all about freedom, and choosing for yourself! Ignorance (and satan) would tell us that practicing religion leads to bondage. 

Sunday someone brought up the story of the kites as told by Patricia Pinegar in the October 1999 conference report. The story tells of a dad flying kites with his young son. They let the string out bit by bit and the kite soared higher and higher until eventually they ran out of string. The boy begged the dad to cut the string so the kite can go even higher, and be free. The dad explains that if he did indeed cut the string the kite will crash to the ground. It's the string keeping the kite in the air. After much persuasion the dad cut the string to appease his son, and sure enough the kite dive bombs to the ground broken in many pieces. 

Well cute story, but what does the kite have to do with the gospel? The string along with the tails keep the kite flying high and in control, just as the commandments help us live happy and protected lives, close to the spirit, and away from sin. The strings represent following the lord's commandments. If we cut the string, or stop keeping the commandments we are no longer in control, we give up that agency to sin, and temptation, and spiral downward towards satan. 

It breaks my heart to hear people who view being a member of the LDS church restrictive, or stifling, I view it as freeing. There is no one forcing me to believe the things we learn in church, or general conference, It's all my choice. If I don't like something or agree with any point of doctrine I can research it on my own. If I don't agree I can leave at any time. It's all about making a stand, and following your passions! For me, my passion is living worthy of returning to God one day, and in order to do that I have to take the higher road, and rise above temptations, and the vein things of the world. Exchange the temporary satisfactions for the eternal life and happiness. 

It's so infuriating to me when people don't stand up for what they believe in. Make a stand. Latter-day Saints are different. We are supposed to be. If we conformed to everything the word (aka Satan) wanted us to do our entire belief system would crumble. Our doctrine and beliefs are unchanging because we live God's eternal law, and are proud to do so! I am so grateful for my belief in a non-conformist religion.

I know the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. I know that by following its teachings we will find a happiness we never knew existed. I know God's plan for his children is to be happy, and by following his plan, and living his gospel we will be much happier then living the way the world suggests we live. I know Joseph Smith restored the gospel in this, the latter-days. I am so grateful for his work in translating the Book of Mormon so that we could now read and learn another testament of Jesus Christ. I know the book of Mormon is a true account of ancient prophets on the American continent. I am so grateful for the Holy Ghost in my life, and the guiding light it has been, and continues to be. I know that President Thomas S. Monson holds all of the keys of the gospel and leads and guides this church as the mouthpiece of God. If we follow the leadership of the church we are doing God's will. I am so grateful for my membership in the church, and hope to always be an example of my savior Jesus Christ. I love him, and am so grateful for his eternal sacrifice making this whole earthy existence worth while, and atoning for my sins, as well as every single person who has ever walked the earth. I'm so grateful for his mercy, and understanding of our mortality. It is never too late to repent, and start or continue following our savior. We are allowed to make mistakes, and hopefully those mistakes make us stronger, and lead us back to Christ with a renewed belief, and faith in his teachings. My hope is that we can all be better examples of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and shine so bright that there is no doubt that we follow our savior Jesus Christ. 

Sexy beaches

A resounding theme throughout my life has been "he's just not that into you." Not to start a little pitty party or anything, but I usually go for the guys who like me...wait for it...as a really good friend. If you aren't my friend you have no idea what you are missing! I'm a fabulous friend! If you are my friend, you know...you know. Years ago in my early 20's (wow! That's weird to say! I'm so old!) I read a book called He's Just Not That Into You (I'm going to reference this dating bible quite a bit, so from now on I will refer to it is "HJNTIY") by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. As with most books, motivational talks, ect, after I read HJNTIY I was utterly empowered, then slowly I lost sight of the wisdom I had once gleaned from its pages. Recently I, and a few friends have had some boy experiences that made me want to scream from the hidden corners of my memory "duh! He's just not that into you!!!!" Lately I have been feeling like every girl needs to read this book, and just Incase you feel the need after reading this post here is the link to buy it on Amazon. Best $8.70 you will ever spend! I promise! 

http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/141690977X

I have fallen into the trap lately of making excuses for my crushes not calling, not texting, not asking me out. 

He's too shy to make a move.

He doesn't want to ruin the friendship.

He must not know that I like him.

He is probably intimidated by me.

He doesn't want to seem to eager or needy.

He just got out a a relationship.

He's scared.

The truth? He's just not that into you. I am THE WORST at making these assumptions. Luckily, being the independent, straightforward woman that I am, I have mastered the simple "do you like me, because I kind of like you text." The interesting thing is, the three plus times I have had to bust this texting tactic out because I am "so confused, and nothing is happening." The answer has been unanimously no. I could have saved myself so much time obsessing if I would have just read the signs! 

"Classic single woman scenario: you really like this guy, but he's giving mixed messages. You make excuses, decide he is confused and afraid of commitment. Stop kidding yourself! He's just not that Into you. Let go, and look for someone else who is."(HJNTIY) The truth of the matter is even in my own experience when a guy hasn't asked me out, 100% of the time he isn't interested! It's crazy how much the female mind can rationalize someone else's emotions.

"If a sane guy really likes you, there is nothing that is going to get in his way. Despite your good intentions you are wasting your time. Men are not complicated, there are no mixed messages" (HJNTIY) 

Unfortunately being an independent woman today is a lot more difficult then in days past. Now we have to compete with content bachelorhood, halo parties, and parent's welcoming basements. Sadly a lot of men who are of a dating age are just not interested in dating period. That leaves us eligible women even farther behind in the rat race to find our happily ever after. "The Hardest thing for a woman in this day and age to do is nothing. We like to scheme, make phone calls, have a plan...most women who date...don't have men throwing themselves at her every night of the week. Sometimes there's a long stretch during which nobody's asking us out. So when we see a guy (who) might be a romantic possibility it's even harder for us to take a back seat. The opportunity might not com back for a long time." (HJNTIY)

Wow! Could words hit even closer to home? I think not! It is so true! Instead if jumping to conclusions, and sending "what's going on here?" texts we need to simply be better at reading the signs. "If they want you, they will find you. If you don't think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him, and divide it by half. Unfortunately guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman "you're not the one," but their actions absolutely show how they feel. When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not as you'd like them to be." (HJNTIY)

"If you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he's just not that into you. Men like to chase and you have to let them chase." (HJNTIY) How many times in this feminist world do we hear the words "women should be able to ask men on dates!" It's true, women should be able to ask men on dates, and they do. I myself have asked numerous men on dates, but not a single one of those dates has ever resulted in him asking me on a second date. It's not the way men are hard wired to work. If your goal is to simply go on dates, then by all means ask guys out, but if your goal is to be dating, and eventually in a relationship with a guy, let him come to you. I cannot tell you the number of times I have asked men "do you like it when a woman asks you out?" Each time the answer is a resounding "yes!" Duh they like being asked out. It's the same flattering feeling we get when we get asked out by men. Being asked out by a woman, and wanting to start a relationship with the woman who asks them out are completely different things, and usually (in my experience) unrelated. So hard as it is to let go of that control, we have to let the men come to us. 

"If men are asking you out, if men have to get your attention then you, in fact, are the one in control. There's no scheming and plotting." 

I am a huge fan of fairy tales, and Nicholas Sparks plots, I will be the first to jump aboard the perfect fairy tale-happy ending train. Today in order to get there us ambitious independent women need to learn to take a back seat, and remember if he is into you he will find you. No matter what, no excuses, no plotting, no scheming necessary. If we find ourselves wanting to pick up that phone, drop it, and tell yourself "he's just not that into me!" Discouraging as it may seem now, rejection after rejection, there is that guy just waiting around the next corner who is perfect for us. He, ladies is worth the wait, (Or so I am told!)