Sexy beaches

A resounding theme throughout my life has been "he's just not that into you." Not to start a little pitty party or anything, but I usually go for the guys who like me...wait for it...as a really good friend. If you aren't my friend you have no idea what you are missing! I'm a fabulous friend! If you are my friend, you know...you know. Years ago in my early 20's (wow! That's weird to say! I'm so old!) I read a book called He's Just Not That Into You (I'm going to reference this dating bible quite a bit, so from now on I will refer to it is "HJNTIY") by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. As with most books, motivational talks, ect, after I read HJNTIY I was utterly empowered, then slowly I lost sight of the wisdom I had once gleaned from its pages. Recently I, and a few friends have had some boy experiences that made me want to scream from the hidden corners of my memory "duh! He's just not that into you!!!!" Lately I have been feeling like every girl needs to read this book, and just Incase you feel the need after reading this post here is the link to buy it on Amazon. Best $8.70 you will ever spend! I promise! 

http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/141690977X

I have fallen into the trap lately of making excuses for my crushes not calling, not texting, not asking me out. 

He's too shy to make a move.

He doesn't want to ruin the friendship.

He must not know that I like him.

He is probably intimidated by me.

He doesn't want to seem to eager or needy.

He just got out a a relationship.

He's scared.

The truth? He's just not that into you. I am THE WORST at making these assumptions. Luckily, being the independent, straightforward woman that I am, I have mastered the simple "do you like me, because I kind of like you text." The interesting thing is, the three plus times I have had to bust this texting tactic out because I am "so confused, and nothing is happening." The answer has been unanimously no. I could have saved myself so much time obsessing if I would have just read the signs! 

"Classic single woman scenario: you really like this guy, but he's giving mixed messages. You make excuses, decide he is confused and afraid of commitment. Stop kidding yourself! He's just not that Into you. Let go, and look for someone else who is."(HJNTIY) The truth of the matter is even in my own experience when a guy hasn't asked me out, 100% of the time he isn't interested! It's crazy how much the female mind can rationalize someone else's emotions.

"If a sane guy really likes you, there is nothing that is going to get in his way. Despite your good intentions you are wasting your time. Men are not complicated, there are no mixed messages" (HJNTIY) 

Unfortunately being an independent woman today is a lot more difficult then in days past. Now we have to compete with content bachelorhood, halo parties, and parent's welcoming basements. Sadly a lot of men who are of a dating age are just not interested in dating period. That leaves us eligible women even farther behind in the rat race to find our happily ever after. "The Hardest thing for a woman in this day and age to do is nothing. We like to scheme, make phone calls, have a plan...most women who date...don't have men throwing themselves at her every night of the week. Sometimes there's a long stretch during which nobody's asking us out. So when we see a guy (who) might be a romantic possibility it's even harder for us to take a back seat. The opportunity might not com back for a long time." (HJNTIY)

Wow! Could words hit even closer to home? I think not! It is so true! Instead if jumping to conclusions, and sending "what's going on here?" texts we need to simply be better at reading the signs. "If they want you, they will find you. If you don't think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him, and divide it by half. Unfortunately guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman "you're not the one," but their actions absolutely show how they feel. When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not as you'd like them to be." (HJNTIY)

"If you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he's just not that into you. Men like to chase and you have to let them chase." (HJNTIY) How many times in this feminist world do we hear the words "women should be able to ask men on dates!" It's true, women should be able to ask men on dates, and they do. I myself have asked numerous men on dates, but not a single one of those dates has ever resulted in him asking me on a second date. It's not the way men are hard wired to work. If your goal is to simply go on dates, then by all means ask guys out, but if your goal is to be dating, and eventually in a relationship with a guy, let him come to you. I cannot tell you the number of times I have asked men "do you like it when a woman asks you out?" Each time the answer is a resounding "yes!" Duh they like being asked out. It's the same flattering feeling we get when we get asked out by men. Being asked out by a woman, and wanting to start a relationship with the woman who asks them out are completely different things, and usually (in my experience) unrelated. So hard as it is to let go of that control, we have to let the men come to us. 

"If men are asking you out, if men have to get your attention then you, in fact, are the one in control. There's no scheming and plotting." 

I am a huge fan of fairy tales, and Nicholas Sparks plots, I will be the first to jump aboard the perfect fairy tale-happy ending train. Today in order to get there us ambitious independent women need to learn to take a back seat, and remember if he is into you he will find you. No matter what, no excuses, no plotting, no scheming necessary. If we find ourselves wanting to pick up that phone, drop it, and tell yourself "he's just not that into me!" Discouraging as it may seem now, rejection after rejection, there is that guy just waiting around the next corner who is perfect for us. He, ladies is worth the wait, (Or so I am told!)