Daya girl, you nailed it! Seriously though? I know this is an age old adage of where have the good men gone, but for real, where are they? Give me about five minutes and I can compile a list of single men who: live at home, are unemployed, have achieved high records in video games, or who may have a job, but are making minimum wage with no end goal, and really no reason to succeed. This is not to say that I also don't also know some fabulous men, who are living their dreams, chasing their goals, and who seem to be pretty stable (financially, and mentally). but guess what? Most of the time they are taken. Tis the story of being single in 2015. I am sure you have heard it time and time again. I'm not here to complain, or pull at your heart strings, or beg for sympathy, I'm here to tell you to
STOP asking when "it's going to be my turn,"
STOP telling me "don't worry it will happen when it's right."
STOP assuming I'm just being too picky.
Times have changed.Women are in the driver's seat more often then not, and while I love being an empowered woman, that unfortunately makes men back down, and cower in a corner...or so I assume, because nothing is happening, and I literally don't see them fighting for anything. No dates, no texts, no effort. I have my fair share of blame in the effort department, don't get me wrong, but I almost feel like I have been forced to give up because there are just no options, and my dating life is pretty stagnate.
Guys, stop being intimidated by women who know what they want, and take control. Wouldn't you want a woman who can fend for herself, but will be more then happy to let you kill the spiders and save the day? Is there a happy medium?
I was talking to another member of the independent single ladies club recently, and she recounted her story, of being divorced twice now, and not shopping around for a third at any point in the horizon. I asked if she believed that two people could be truly happy together, and she said emphatically YES! Both of her children are married to amazing people, and she sees true love in their eyes.Adorable right? Are they problem free? Of course not, but do they have open communication to work things out when the going gets tough (which it always does)? ABSOLUTELY!
Another thing we discussed was specific characteristics of our (as of yet) fictional Mr. Rights. She asked me to pick only ONE characteristic. My one characteristic is reliable. I want someone who is where they say they will be when they say they will be there. Someone who is on time. If we make plans on Sunday for the next weekend I don't want to have to check in mid-week, then again Saturday afternoon to confirm our dinner date. I feel like this is the most illusive of all the characteristics, and could be why I am having so many problems finding Mr. Right. For some reason humans are not reliable. In the olden days people had to be reliable, there were no cell phones to text or call and cancel. You did what you said you were going to do. Our favorite hand held devices have unfortunately destroyed people's ability to commit and follow through on plans. If I had a dollar for every time I heard "that sounds so fun! Let's do it", only to get canceled on, rescheduled or forgotten. The awesome thing about cell phones is that they have these amazing calendars in them You put something on your calendar, it saves it, AND it even reminds you! There is no excuse for not following through.
Here are the quick statistics I did in my head: *note I am a far cry from a mathematician, and numbers may be slightly exaggerated*
Take the whole world, the percentage of people who possess the reliability gene is about 15%. Before you fight me on this one think of the world as a whole, and culturally. Most cultures are late to everything, and have zero regard for time in general. Okay now we're at our 15% of the world, then we divide that in half, because half of those would be men, so now I've got 7.5% of the world I could be happy with. Okay that's fine, I only need one. Then we take that number again and divide it into a 19th because I want to get married in the temple to a worthy priesthood holder who belongs to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints. This people is where my math gets a little shotty, but according to my calculations there are about 20 men in the WORLD who fit these two qualifications. and that isn't even accounting for men who are already married or dating someone. So let's say I now have 9 men who aren't taken, and would be absolutely perfect for me...WHERE ARE THEY HIDING? Are they even American? This ladies and gents is where I am at a loss. I know my Mr. Right is out there, but help a sister out! Where is he?
As I am about to give up on the pursuit,I ask myself, why do people of my generation give up so easily? Did the pioneers give up in heading out west to settle Salt Lake? NOPE! Did our founding fathers give up in building this great ole USA? NO WAY! Why are we so quick to throw in the towel and go take a nice hot bubble bath, and have our Mothers tell us we are special, and we can do anything? Don't get me wrong, I do believe that we are all special, and we can do anything we put our minds to, but that will not happen if we give up at the first chance of failure, or the second we feel scared, we throw in the towel and pull the sheets over our heads. Forging new paths is scary. No one has ever been down a brand new path before, there is no instruction manual, or google to help navigate which direction you should head. Each of our lives is a brand new path. No one has traveled down exactly the same road as us. It's not all roses and sunshine. The road to success is not a linear path, it looks more like this:
I digress, I won't give up. I won't give in to the fairy tale road to success. I'm on a bumpy path, and it will take time. I'll need to take a break to refuel, work on me, and keep the end in sight, maybe Mr. Right is just around the next corner, I'll put on my big girl panties, lace up my shoes, and get on with my life. Mr. Right will find me, because after all I don't want a guy I have to find hiding under a rock, so why would I ever for one second be that girl?