Some days you gotta dance, live it up when you get the chance

One thing that bitter/sweet tid bit about getting older is learning people, as well as learning yourself, and being disappointed by what you observe. For as long as I can remember my relationships with boys have been strictly platonic:

-Jessica's Sample Crush Scenarios-

Scenario A. Jessica likes boy, boy has no interest whatsoever

Scenario B. Jessica likes boy, boy likes Jessica as well...as a friend (I'm a fabulous friend!)

Scenario C. Jessica likes boy, boy seems to like Jessica, maybe they even go out, and then what happens? NOTHING, a big zip, zero, nada. 

Scenario D. Jessica thinks boy is cute, boy asks if Jessica's good friend is single

Scenario E. Jessica has no interest in boy, in fact she thinks he is creepy, boy pursues Jessica full force, and freaks her out

Scenario F. Jessica and boy become great friends, and then Jessica realizes he is just like the rest! Selfish, and not a good friend!

It's sad that these scenarios do not end when crushes are not involved, even friendships with men are hard! I definitely am jaded from past friendships, but that aside I think it is just difficult for men and women to be friends in the adult world. I don't remember it being this hard when I was at LDSBC, or even in hair school, somewhere over the past few years it has become increasingly difficult to find a good guy friend. The more I test out the waters, the more I don't even want one at all! 

Growing up I never really had many good guy friends until I was about 16, from then on I hung with the boys, as well as the girls. I even went through a phase in college where I had more good guy friends then girl friends. Somewhere over the past few years something has shifted drastically to my pre-pubescent years. I don't know if it's me, the boys, or some societal phenomena. 

You always hear girls regard male friendships as "FANTASTIC! They are so much less drama then girls!" When does that go from completely accurate, to some sort of mythical realm of fantasy? What is happening to these guys? Is it merely a Utah male thing, or does it stretch beyond the state boarders? Man, what a mystery! 

Basically the boys in my life that have let me down so much that even the thought of new boys entering the picture platonic or romantic just makes me shutter and retreat. At this point you are probably wondering what in the world the opposite sex could have possibly done to make me turn my nose up in disgust at the mention of the male species? 

It all started with one particular long time friend whom I talked to every single day all day, and hung out with at least three times weekly. We were the best of friends. We discussed everything under the sun. He knew me better then probably anyone on the planet. Well after about five years of loyal friendship I found out he had been lying to me. About what you say? About NOTHING important! Just his lifestyle, and the fact that he had moved. Turns out he didn't move, and from there the lies kept unraveling like a string from a cheap rug. After all the lies, and varying accounts of said lies from numerous other mutual friends lay strewn in front of me I knew that there was no way I could continue to be friends with such a pathetic, pathological liar. That is where my jading begins friends.

After that experience I was slow to become close to guys too quickly. Well I let myself do it again, and this time I found that our friendship was give, give, give, and when push came to shove, and I needed a friend, or heaven forbid, help I was SOL. All by my lonesome, and no better off then without a friend. This happened again with another close friend, only this one he ended. He just suddenly and shockingly stopped talking to me. All for the better I assume. 

Now here I am, I have one pretty good guy friend, but I try not to rely on him too much, or let myself get to wrapped up in our friendship, but fingers crossed so far so good. We are definitely not to the point that we talk about everything under the moon, but hopefully it won't all blow up in my face this time! 

That said I have become pretty good about reading boys. GIRLS: Boys don't go out of their way unless they are interested! They don't engage in conversation, do cute things, or invite you to something unless there is something in it for them. That is the cold hard truth I am sorry to say. 

Over and over I have watched guy after guy go for my good friends. When I dare ask will it be my turn for a little mutual attraction? I know, I know patience, but seriously! I am not marriage hungry by any means, but I'd definitely like some reliable male companionship in the form of a boyfriend! GEEZ!