The definition of friendship according to my favorite source Wikipedia is: "A relationship of mutual affection between two or more people...A World Happiness Database study found that people with close friendships are happier."
Wiki also listed certain characteristics commonly found within friendship: Affection, sympathy, empathy, honesty, selflessness, mutual understanding, compassion, trust, enjoyment of other's company, ability to be oneself, express one's feeling, and make mistakes without fear of judgement.
Wiki also said friends tend to share common backgrounds, occupations, interests, or have similar demographics
To this list I would add for me personally friendship is: Loyalty, making time for one another, good conversation, ability to have fun together.
In a 1975 study Bigelow and la Gaipa found that expectations for a "best friend" become increasingly complex as a child gets older. They did a study which sampled 480 children between ages six to fourteen. They found three stages of development in friendship expectations:
Stage One-(baby)
*sharing activities
*geographical closeness
Stage Two-(child)
*emphasized sharing
*loyalty
*commitment
Stage Three-(teen+)
*desire for similar attitudes
*values
*interests
I found this fascinating, as we grow and develop our social skills our need for certain friendships characteristics change. I have seen this at work in my own life. People I thought would be my friends forever have slowly faded into only memories. It's also interesting how people come into your life for a time, then just as quickly move on, and out of your life. I believe that each person who comes into our lives is there for a purpose. There is something we need to learn from every person we meet. There is something special about all of the friendships of our lives. I know I have not only learned how I want to be treated in a friendship, but how not to treat my friends.
The friendships that have stuck around in my life are super important to me. I have come to deeply regard friendship as a two-way street. I will do anything for my friends, but if said friends won't do the same for me, they do not belong in my life. I have wasted so much time, and energy on people who do not treat me equally. I have learned that it is TOTALLY worth it to just cut them loose. It's like that saying "If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't it never was." This principle is tried and true in my life. I have let quite a few people go, some have come back, others never have. It's really the only true way to test a friendship.
One thing I cannot stand is a freeloading friend. This is a friend who really doesn't put effort into their own friendships, but keeps you around because you put effort into mutual friendships. This freeloading friend seems to always be around when you plan something with a mutual friend you don't see regularly. Back to the two way street, the thing about friendship is it's reciprocated. People can tell if you make time for them, and if you truly want to keep them in your life, or if they conveniently just happen to be there, or come when you plan something and invite them. There is a HUGE difference.
I've done a little experiment with one such freeloading friend. I have been planning my own outings with mutual friends, and not telling said friend. For the past sixish months freeloader has just let the friendships die out, but miraculously freeloader has reached out to one friend on their own! MIRACULOUS! This is a very important lesson for freeloader, you have to work for the things/people that are important in your life. You cannot count on others to do that for you.
The thing is, friendship takes a lot of time, and hard work, and I will be the best friend I can to those who will give me that time and work, but I will not tolerate freeloading, energy sucking, one way friendships. When I am in, I am all in, and I will be there for my friends for life! I love and appreciate the friendships in my life so much! I am so grateful for all that I have learned from my friends, and all that I will continue to learn from them! Thanks to all of you friends! I love you!
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