It's like you're a drug, it's like you're a demon I can't beat down

Oh my gosh! Why in the world am I awake right now? Let me just say I have all of you people who keep your blogs updated to blame! I got on to kill time before Rob came so I would stay awake and now it is 3:30 and hour since he left and I just finished reading every single one of your new blogs!!! Ah! I can't believe it! Well thanks guys! I really do love you all. :)

Sometimes I feel like I'm falling in the ocean

"A yellow light doesn't mean you have to stop it means the person behind you does!"
-Elyse

Isn't that so true?! Don't you always run a yellow light then look in the rear view to make sure the person behind you stopped, and if they don't you are thinking "what a reckless driver?!" haha

Let the rain of what I feel right now come down

N-O: what is it about those two simple letters? They are even right next to each other in the alphabet, and I just can't manage to use them as much as I'd like. Possibly the easiest English sentence ever designed. It is often a child's first and favorite word. Why is it so hard to use?

There are so many times that I just want to say no. No I will not give you a ride, no you cannot borrow my things, no you cannot bail out, it is NOT ok. But for some reason I just can't do it, and the times that I actually muster up the courage to say it people get mad at me.

For example Rob got pissed at me because I said I wouldn't keep his table in my house, but why should I? Does he not realize how small my house is? How stupid it would look? He just doesn't get it, but he got mad at me for saying no, so of course I said I would find a place for it. It's just not fair, I mean I am all about helping out friends, but sometimes you just need to draw the line.

If you live CLEAR across town from me why would you even think about asking me for a ride?! How rude! I don't want to waste double the gas to go pick you up then take you wherever we're going and have to worry about bringing you back when we're done. On that same token I'd rather drive myself, by myself so that I don't have to worry about if weather you're having fun. People who don't have cars who constantly need a ride...eh whatev, I know how it feels, but or not a whatever we're doing.

I guess it's a selfish thing the word "no" but I just wish I could get a better use out of it.

I am like a donkey with a carrot dangling in front of me, just achieving my goals step by step

I guess it's time again for me to reevaluate my life. Basically I really need a new job, I also need to pick a place to go to school, and resultingly I need to find a new place to live. All of these needs are complacent on one decision: Cosmetology school. I have been so lazy about looking for one. I guess I have this mindset that things will work out. I know they will, but I need to start putting forth the needed effort to actually make these things in my life work out.

Here is the problem: I want to live in Provo, but Kaysville is a fraction of the price. So do I sacrifice social for monetary, or do I just take the financial plunge and live up my life in Provo while I'm still young? Seriously there are so many of my friends going to Provo! I want to be there too!!! At the same time I really want to just start over. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE the friends I have made in Salt Lake. I know that we will be friends forever! The bonds we've made are closer than anything I've ever experienced.

I guess that's what college is about, and the old saying about how the friends you make in high school don't matter because the friends you make in college will be the ones you have the rest of your life is SOOO true! When I was in high school I didn't buy it, but it is so right!

Pro's and Con's list anyone?

School in Provo:
PROS-
1. lots of friends
2. more social interaction
3. better school
4. more people closer to my age

CONS-
1. more money
2. going into debt
3. strict BYU housing standards


School in Kaysville:
PROS-
1. saving money (no loans)
2. good enough school
3. living with Elan
4. freedom

CONS:
1. won't start over because too close to SLC
2. farther away from friends in Provo
3. not as many social things going on
4. housing concerns
5. work concerns

alright there you have it, all that is wracking my brain in an organized manner. haha I really just want to be a millionaire! Then I wouldn't even have to think twice about cosmetology school! I'd be in LA at Paul Mitchell! Hum..well if life were only perfect eh?

Jumping off the bow, just to prove that I know how

It is so funny to me how in movies, in a chase scene the good guy goes around the dog, or small child in the street or even stops so they can cross, and the bad guy, just to prove how bad he is just plows right on through, no regard for anyone or anything.

I want to swim away, but I don't know how

Question of the day: Why are certain people creepy and the rest of us are not?

I just don't get it. What makes people creepy? How do you become creepy? Why would you want to be creepy? There are so many creepy people in the world! I mean sure in Klamath there were creeps, but many it's just because Salt Lake is like quadruple the size, but there are SOO many creepy people here! At the Business College Rob and I noticed all the time how creepy people were, and when we tried to comment about it we would have to clarify "which creepy kid?"

I know that we are all sons and daughters of a heavenly father who loves us all, but I just don't get how one of God's children can be so scary! That's basically what it comes down to, a creepy person is someone who just scares you for some reason that you cannot explain. For those of you still wondering let me list some characteristics of creeps!

1. scrubby
2. silently walk up behind you then talk
3. tell you random scary facts about their lives
4. speak to you without being spoken to, and continue to talk even though you look really freaked out
5. think they are the coolest since sliced bread, and never cease to tell you
6. shifty
7. wandering eyes
8. basically just scary appearance
9. Appearance actually has a lot to do with creepy! They just don't take care of themselves
10. follow you weirdly when you turn to leave

The biggest problem I find with creeps is that they scare you SOOO freaking bad, but you can't just be like ew! Stop talking to me! But you want to sooo bad!!! I want so badly to just be like "look here, you are creepy! Stop talking to me, we are not friends, and yes you scare me! Stay away!" But come on would I ever do that? At the same time they are a child of God, and I just can't be that mean. It really kinda sucks!

I just wish people were nice, pleasant looking, and good conversationalists. And while I'm on the topic of conversation, it really bugs me when I'm trying to talk to someone and they just stare awkwardly at me...Just keep the conversation going, I know you're shy, and maybe I make you nervous, but all I want is a good conversation!!!

If I had to choose her or the sun, I'd be one nocturnal sun of a gun!

Every year I wonder what I did for my last birthday! The only memory I have from my last birthday, number 19 was my mom calling me, waking up on a lovesac because I didn't have a bed, and Jackie took me to Applebee's for lunch. :) I think I worked or something too. So let me just take the liberty to record how wonderful my 20th birthday was!!!

Starting at 7 the night before the fun festivities started! I went to Michelle's house and went shopping and watched the American Idol finale, then we went to the midnight showing of Indiana Jones! It was so fun! It was a great movie! I really have nothing to compare it against because I haven't seen any of the other ones, but I loved it!

Michelle told me she was going to wish me a happy birthday first all day, and at like 11:56 her and Cynthia went to get popcorn, and so at 12 they weren't there, and Jake leaned over and was like "happy birthday Jessica!!!" Lol so he was the first one! Then Michelle and Cynthia got back and were so bummed! haha it was funny! Rob called at 11:30 wanting to hang out, but I was at the district in South Jordan, so that was a little impossible.

So after the movie, I went home and slept till 9:00, then got up, got cute and Rob took me out to brunch at the Paradise bakery. My club sandwich, cookie and hot chocolate were amazing! It was great! We just talked about life, and caught up on g! Amazing!!!

Then I went got a call from mom, and tons of happy birthday texts and facebook and myspace posts. It was great! I love feeling that special! Then I went to work at the school. My kids were little brats the entire day! Finally when I couldn't take it anymore I was like you know what you guys? It's my birthday, and you are not being very good! And they were all like oh really? Happy birthday and started singing lol it was so cute!

Then I went home to get ready to go out, that was fun! I got a phone call from Reed Phillips, and we talked for about an hour, and it was great! Happy Birthday phone calls are the best! Dad and Jer called too but I was already at my party, so we didn't talk. I still haven't called them back yet.

So Rob and Erika came and picked Kath, me and Amber up to go to the resturant. We went to the Rio Grande Cafe by the Gateway mall. It was great! We had an awesome waiter! The food was great! It was mexican, and I got a Tostada and Taco. :) It was great! I had a great turn out!!! My closest and dearest friends, minus a few. Let me try to remember who all was there:
Kathryn, Rob, Erika, Cynthia, Michelle, Sarah, Heidi, Jake, Tim, Penny, Erin, Kelly, Kyle, Abby Mike, Mara, Ellen, Nalene, Amber, Carrie, Kim (and her friend Gavin), Robby and Tasia, Liz (oman)After dinner, we went to the gateway to watch a movie. We saw Made of Honor, it was horrible! I hated it! It was absolutely crude and stupid! I liked the plot, but it had so much sexual humor it was ridiculous! I mean most movies have at least one sexual joke or crude comment, but this movie it was like bam bam bam after every single thing! It was just way too much for me! I'd say half of the group liked it and the other half hated it. It was a fun night though! I think it was the best birthday I've ever had!

Scratch that, it was the best birthday weekend I've ever had! Friday Kath and I hung out with Rob, and she ended up not having to get her wisdom teeth pulled out like she thought. Then we washed my car, and went to the Gateway and did some damage shopping. (and really I mean damage! I am so poor!!!) I got these stinking cute Kapris, and great flip flops! Kath and I got the same sweater only in different colors, and I got perfume from Hollister, and Love Spell from Victoria's Secret. :) It was great!

Then Mara Burton had a party so we made an appearance, then went to Spencer's house to his party! It was so much fun! We took pictures of ourselves like old times! It was way stinking fun!!! Then Saturday we went to Lagoon with Cynthia, Michelle, and her friend Jennifer. It was a lot of fun!!! We all got season passes, so we can go back anytime!

Then there was an institute thing...it was a drive in thing, we watched National Treasure 2 in Mavin's car. Then we went to Dave's house and did would you rather questions with me Sarah, Mark, Dave, Spencer, and Adam for like 3 hours. It was fun! Then church was ok, we just went to sacrament, and then prepared for welcome dinner for the new members! :) It was great fun, then kath and I painted our nails, and are watching beaches, and it freaking keeps skipping! It's driving me crazy!

Kath leaves tomorrow, and it was so fun having her here to share this wonderful birthday weekend. :)

Rubbing salt in my wounds like it won't hurt

So there is this new guy at work-he is a pig! Just being around him makes me feel a mix between irritation, and disgust. Just the way he talks about women makes me so sick! He seems to feel (or at least by what he says, and tells us) that women are mere objects for the viewing pleasure of men. They don't seem to hold any real value to him, and the higher quantities they come in, and the prettier they are the more he wants them. It is just so degrading!

I mean yes there are tons of pretty women in the world, ney in Salt Lake, but seriously! All he ever talks about are hot girls, and going to bars. It is so trashy! Everything out of his mouth just really irritates me! I don't consider myself among the most beautiful in the Valley, but I am not too shabby looking, and the way this jerk talks about my gender just makes me want to drop kick him to Timbuktu!

I really just don't understand what the appeal is. I don't even know how he gets girls the way he talks about them! He seriously wants the whole cake, not just a slice, and that is wrong! Sick and wrong! He is so infuriating, and immature! I just can't believe it! What kind of standards are you setting for yourself if you go after anything with boobs!?! EW! Get a grip man, be smart!

Ok I think that is all, I just really needed to get that out! This kid is SOOO annoying!

Love songs that seduce me with a sinister beat

Talking out problems is the best! I just adore a great conversation, and venting session! The best friends I have are the ones that I can come to with anything that is weighing on my mind. Be it how many times I have to repaint my nails and they still chip, or the most recent boy or roommate issues. The friends that take my problems no matter how small they may be are the friends I value the most. I know that sometimes my problems must seem absolutely ridiculous, and menial, but to me, they are huge!

Today I skipped sunday school, and relief society (yeah...I'm not proud of that. :( I feel bad!) and just plain talked. Talking is one of my favorite things in this world! If I can sit down and have a great conversation with someone...you know a conversation that just flows, and you learn things, share opinions, and so forth it just leaves you better than when you came.

The power of the spoken word is the most incredible! Conversation is sooo important on so many levels! The conversation I had today made me realize that boys and girls are just plain different. I know you are saying, well duh Jessica! You're a genius! But really, besides the obvious differences, we really are different. We think in totally different ways, and that is what complicates things. Girls think that boys are thinking a certain way, and really they aren't!

I had this long time crush, and it took me months to get over it. I had to get over it because nothing was happening, but then all of a sudden he asked me out! I am so mad! What gives him the right to ask me out now?! Ugh! I just don't get it! But anyways, talking about it with people, and getting different opinions really makes me think, and gives me a perspective I never would have seen any other way. I love it! So thanks to all of you out there who I love to converse with! :)