It's better to be home alone, then to be home and wish you were alone

Guilty pleasure: The Bachelor! I freaking LOVE that show. Some may say, "Jessica, it's all staged, it's a drama fest, and you don't go onto a TV show to find love." To all of you nay sayers out there I have a little something for you: Let me have my weekly addiction in peace please! This season the bachelor Brad is HOT! Plus he has a Texas accent which equals EVEN HOTTER! They are playing up this whole he went through therapy, and he's a reformed man thing so hard core that it is on the verge of annoying. Also girls, SUCK IT UP AND STOP CRYING! I am sick of seeing girls every single episode sobbing off their mascara! Other then that I love Emily! I like how she doesn't fling herself all over Brad all the time like some of the other girls do. She just waits patiently with a smile on her face for her to come to him. It totally works too! He always comes and makes sure she knows he is interested. Sadly I don't think she will last because she won't allow him in. I mean why would he choose someone who's walls he has to break down when there are so many other girls ready to start a relationship right now with no baggage. It's sad because I really do love her and I think she is the sweetest one on the show.

Also shout out to Ashley who went home this week. She seriously is the second sweetest! I loved how she was nice to everyone, and tried to make everyone feel happy, and didn't treat it so much like a game. Honestly, there is no reason to be competitive. You have to work on your relationship with Brad, not just back stab all of the other girls! Anyway, LOVE it, can't wait to see how it all plays out!!!!!

PS I freaking LOVE Chris Harrison! FAVORITE!

Just for the record, the weather today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of rain

I have always been jealous of bears because they get to hibernate through the entire winter, and wake up when it's warm outside again! I was thinking about how much I hate winter, and cold, and I guess I do my own form of hibernation I didn't even realize it! It is so cold that no one wants to do anything or go anywhere, all I ever want to do is cuddle up with a blanket (and possibly a boy), watch a movie, and drink hot chocolate! YUMMY!!! What could be better then that!? Well until it's warm outside again, and the weather is great, you can wear flip flops again that is! Okay well that's my rant about winter...hate it! haha! Good news, I've watched TONS of movies this winter!

Reflections of my soul...

I was talking to some friends the other night, and I realized I have some funny/crazy stories/experiences, and I should probably write them down so I don't forget them!!! haha! This might turn out to be a really boring blog, but I'm just going to list a bunch of fun and exciting things I've done in the past few years since I stopped blogging. :)

*Amber Lomenick and I going to 24 hour fitness after working at Ross late at night! One day we were left our towels in the sauna to get warm while we were in the hot tub, and they totally caught on fire!!! It was SOOO embarrassing!!! We almost burnt down teh Provo 24 hour! haha

*I was trying to find a new car this past summer, and I the two Bryan's were with me, and we took it for a test drive, and all was fine, then when we got back BR started asking questions about the title and the guy got super shady. The next thing we knew these two guys with guns and badges showed up and told us that this guy selling the car had stolen the car and they'd been tracking him for weeks! It was a moment straight out of cops! haha!

*I went through a phase of super obsession with the color code. I am a Red Yellow, and for a while that's all I would talk about. I love that test! You can learn sooo much about people and why they are the way they are.

*I went to many rodeos!

*Tim and I tried to go to a Sugarland concert, but Jennifer Neddles got laryngitis, so they ended up not being able to come so the show was Miranda Lamburt, Lady Antebellum, and Kenny Chesney! Still a wonderful show! The next year Sugarland came back, and Tim and I went!!! SOOOOOO great! I was one of the best shows ever!

*For my 21st birthday Drew took me to a Fall Out Boy concert! They are totally my fave! On the way back from the concert his car broke down, and we had to call a tow truck to take us from out by the salt flats to Provo. Shout out to Greg Shaffer for coming and trying to save us late at night!! You rock!

*This last year Cynthia and I planned many a rocking party! I love throwing parties and having people come!!!!

*I bought a new car! It was a crazy experience letting go of Roxy, I've had that car for forever, and I miss the sunroof! The new car is great though, I actually have AC, and after all of the initial repairs it runs great! :) It was sort of frustrating buying it though because I TOTALLY got ripped off, and It wouldn't even pass inspection!

*I got my first salon job!!! It is Studio 603 in Draper! LOVE IT!

*Went to a Train concert! Probably the best concert I've been to next to Sugarland! Pat is sooo wonderful! He crowd surfed, and brought people up on the stage, it was sooo fun! It was an Earth Day concert!

*One night Me, Tim Kyle, Andrew, and Becky sneaked into a resort in Park City, and used the pool and hot tub! After being in there for a good hour or so the resort staff started to get suspicious because there were a TON of people that had sneaked in the night, so they approached us, and we made a run for it! The manager chased us down all the way past the parking garage threatening to call the cops! AH! haha!

*SOO many people I know have gotten married and had kids! Crazy! I was a brides' maid for Kelly, and Britton, and kind of Brea. :) So fun!

*I love living in Utah, but I also love being from Oregon!

*Hate Provo, LOVE SLC

*We used to stay up super late every single night just talking with our friends (IE Roomies, Cyn, Alli, Kim and Jared, Bryan's, John, Alex, Eric)

Bittersweet Symphony

I was driving to work one morning, and it was SOOO utterly foggy, then suddenly without rhyme or reason, a clear blue sky opened up in front of me, clear, and fog free. Sadly it only lasted about half a mile, then I descended in to the fog again. I was thinking...probably a bit too hard about the what sort of metaphor this could possibly be, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks! So here it goes, my metaphor of the fog.

Our lives here on this mortal probation are like being immersed in a thick fog. We cannot see ahead of us, and cannot really even see where we came from. We just trudge along, and try to stay within the lines, and not hit anyone along the way. Once in a while we hit a clear spot. Our minds become suddenly clear, we get some sort of personal revelation. We can see right in front of us, and know exactly where we are going. Once we have a plan in motion again, and sometimes before we are ready, we are again plunged head first into the fog fighting for that sense of clarification we once had. There is a difference this time though, now we have a purpose and a plan, we know that the fog will not last forever. We know that if we just endure till the next clear spot we can make it out, and we will forever be blessed and happy because of it!

Mrs. O'leary's BBQ

Ok guys this just in. Annoying messy people really tick me off!! AHHH! I just don't understand how people can be messy and live life and enjoy being at home. I absolutely hate being at my apartment. All I seem to do is clean it up. I'm home for sleeping and eating, and apparently cleaning. It's soooo obnoxious! Just had to vent a teeny bit! UGH! So annoyed. Oh and the random shouts for no apparent reason...yeah. Not cool.

Life in the fast lane

Once upon a time I bought what I thought was the perfect car. It had all I ever wanted, A sunroof, a CD player and it was manual. It was a great little car until suddenly it started literally falling apart! It all started with an oil change from Jiffy Lube. The battery light had been on, and so I asked them to check it. They said I needed a new battery. So I unloaded 80 dollars for a new battery. Then about a week later on the way to school my car STOPPED working. Turns out the alternator was shot. So I dropped $495 to get a new one. I thought that was the end of my car troubles, and spending countless dollars I didn't have. THEN it snowed the first Provo snow. I had to get snow tires! $495 more and I had new snow tires, but busted alignment. THEN the worst yet, on the way back from a New Year's party with Cynthia my car just STOPPED on the freeway!!! It was the same sort of thing that happened when the alternator died. The radio stopped working, then it just wouldn't accelerate, then it just chugged and chugged along until we made it thankfully to Cynthia's house. The car was booming and making all sorts of racket the entire way, then as I went to park it died!

I am so sick of putting money into it!!! I just want to get a new car! Seriously car problems are the worst! I know nothing about cars, and lately everything under the sun has been going wrong. I am soo freaking annoyed. I feel like those old cartoons that have the rain cloud constantly over their head. I am usually not a pessimistic person, but the monetary trials I am going through right now are a real test.

It is so annoying because I am not making ANY money at Ross, and 2 of my 3 managers make me want to jump off a cliff! Seriously, I told my manager I was stuck in Salt Lake and trying to get my car fixed and she told me that I better be at work, or I would get a level 2 warning. After threat after threat and her telling me to find a ride. I made it only to find that the store was SLOW as molasses!!!! What a jerk! She did not even need me today, and it only cost her payroll money! I really need a new job PRONTO!! I really can't take it anymore!

It's so frustrating! School, work, and still no money, no social life in Provo, I don't ever get to go to ward activities, and I am so stressed! I cannot wait to get out of school and start living life as a normal adult, who can work normal hours!

FRUSTRATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It really seems like ever since my lap top got stolen things have been steadily spiraling down! Time for them to pick back up again I'd say!

When they nights are long they'll be easier together

Ok so basically I love Greenday! They have this one lyric that goes "Nice guys finish last, you're running out of gas..." Serious GENIUS right there! It is so true!!!! Nice guys finish last, and get screwed all the time. I mean sure blessings, yada yada (not to undermine blessings or anything). But in reality, your niceness is well nice, but it causes you to run out of gas. You suddenly have no gas, and no time because you spent all of your time and gas helping people out! :S HUM. Just a thought for the day I suppose.

Times turn, hearts disfigure, but that's not a concern when we're wounded together

I was just thinking about how ironic it is that people cause so much drama, but they are also the ones who help us get through the drama.

Think about it. John Doe makes Sally Sue really mad, and Sally Sue calls you and tells you about it, and then you get all involved in it: Drama.

Then Jake Doe makes you really mad, and you call Sally Sue and tell her about it, and get her all involved, and she tells you to egg Jake's car, and she'll do it with you: Drama, but somehow it feels better now after you egg Jake Doe's car!

Haha!

You don't have to promise me the moon or the stars, just promise me you will stand under them with me

The old adage fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me resounds in my ears. Especially lately. I honestly give people way too many chances. After about the 3rd chance you can usually tell that a person is just going to disappoint you. For some reason I can't help but think they will change, or that maybe this time it will be different. I buy all of the stupid excuses, and get over it just to be hurt and disappointed again. WHY?!?!

I am the kind of person who when someone makes plans with me, I actually PLAN on it. Crazy I know! Who does that right? *SARCASM!!!** It really irritates me when people A. flake out on said plans, or B. don't even call to say they flaked out!

So kind of off topic, but not at the same time my friend just texted me and said "I hate boys" and I said me too, but why? and she said "Cause they play games and they leave you and they're mean and they break down your self esteem. They don't call when they say they will, I'm glad I have a dog, who needs a boy."

Honestly! I HATE HATE HATE the game! I don't think that love should be a game you play like monopoly or clue! It should be as simple as I like you, you like me, let's like each other! Somehow it gets complicated along the way. I am the kind of person who wears my heart on my sleeve. I try so hard not to go all in, but at the same time I can't help it. I get attached really easily, so it's really hard for me to get over things.

How frustrating! I just want to be able to be like a boy, and be like oh, I'll just make out with her, then not call her for a week. Then make plans with her, and make her think I like her, then never talk to her again. THEN have a DTR and say I'm confused, and that I don't want a relationship right now THEN have a girlfriend 3 days later!

I am loving that Beyonce song Like a Boy. It is so true!!! They have nothing to worry about, somehow along with missing the brain gene, they also are missing the emotion gene. When things like this happen to them they don't care, and they get over it, while us girls are stuck mulling over every little detail of what went wrong trying to figure out what WE did to make THEM change, and why when things were so good one day, did they suddenly take a turn for the worst and dive bomb?

I really don't even know what I want right now. Basically I just want to date I think. At the same time I also really want the companionship that comes with having a boyfriend. I really love to cuddle, and hug, and kiss, and I want someone to share that with. I am sick of always getting stuck in the friend zone.

And honestly how in the world can you think it's ok to go around making plans then not only not following through, but not even calling to say you won't be there! How can you NEVER call a girl, and just text her. I mean I like texting just as much as the next girl, but enough is enough! You DO NOT text me and ask me on a date, you DO NOT only communicate through text with me! Pick up the phone and call me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UGH! Why are boys so utterly confusing? Why are they so incredibly STUPID?!

2:30 AM talking till sleep inside that diner

Wow! Can you believe it?? Rob is married...Rob and Erika are married...Rob & Erika Torres...WEIRD!!! I am so happy for them! They are the best people ever!!! :) I am so glad they found each other and that they are happy. :) Their wedding was great, and I am so glad I could be a part of it!!! Here are some lovely pictures from the big day! :)

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

So I learned that there are three kinds of people

1. the procrastinator
2. the perfectionist
3. the game person

I am totally number 3!

It is horrible because in my school book it talked about how if you are constantly planning, and having a plan you have no time to actually life...ahh!!! I want to live!

It's nice to say that we've played in the dirt

Motivation is the ignition for success. Self management is the fuel that will keep you going on the long ride to your destination.

Until you see yourself as great, no one Will ever see you as great!

Life will always test you for what you say you want.

If you're not willing to do the work, stop dreaming the dream.

The sky can't be the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

Feelings are a result of the way you think.

The present is just a pleasant interruption to the past.

It is spiritual serendipity.

I enjoy them when they're around, but I don't miss them when they're gone

I really can't handle crying babies. I don't know what it is, but it just makes me cringe!!! I mean babies are fun, and mostly cute, but when they cry I am just like ew!!! Go away!!!!!! I don't know why....just the way it is...sorry! And it's not so much the crying, it's the incecent screaming! Be quiet!

For that matter, I can't handle crying in any form...I just like everyone happy all the time. When people cry I really don't know what to do, or how to handle them. I just want to make everything better!

She skates where the ice thins

I LOVE LOVE LOVE driving by myself, blasting the heat and the tunes!!!! It's my fav!

I can have it as hot as I want, and the music as loud as I want without anyone complaining!!! YAY!!!!!

It takes all kinds to fill the freeway!

Do you ever have people that you are really close with and tell each other everything? I love that, but sometimes it feels like I attract people who are better talkers then listeners. That bugs sooooo badly! I mean I listen to them tell me everything. Every little detail, and it's not that I mind. I don't, but when it comes time for me to need them, and talk to them, they space, don't listen, and turn off. It really bugs me!!!

I have a lot of friends like that. Well not a lot, but a few. It really bugs me! I sit there and listen, even when I don't want to, then I try to tell them something that's bugging me, and it just goes in one ear and out the other like they don't even care!

For some reason I have this gift of listening. I do it when I don't even want to. It just happens. I try not to, I am doing 4 things at once, and I still hear every word, and remember it. It's actually pretty cool, but at the same time...sometimes I just want to space!!! I just want to give them a dose of their own medicine. UGH! BUT morale of the story! LISTEN when I'm talking to you!!! Nothing bugs me more than a bad listener!!!!

THANKS CYNTHIA AND ELLEN FOR ALWAYS LISTENING!! I LOVE YOU!

It kind of hurts when the words you say turn themselves into blades

Oh boy to I HATE the undependable!!! It is soo irritating to me! There is this boy. And he always makes plans with me, and it will be like oh let's do something this day, at this time. Or just this night. And then he never calls, but he'll send me a text like 2 hours later and is like ok let's do something. Are you ready? And I of course being the one with NO self control just says yes! Even though I am so annoyed because I have been waiting all night, and haven't heard a word!

UGH UGH UGH! It's so frustrating! Maybe it's just the way I am. I like to have things planned out to at T, but when people don't allow me to plan things, and just let things happen on the fly, it bugs me because I could have done something really fun and exciting instead of just sitting around, not really doing anything, WAITING! I hate waiting!!!!

I mean how hard is it to send a little text saying I'd love to be with you right now, but I'm doing *insert activity* right now, but I'll be home in like 30 minutes. I'm sorry.

That is all I want! I mean things come up, commitments run late, but you can't just string people along!!! It's so thoughtless, and annoying!!! UGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'm so frustrated!!!

All that I want is to be able to count on someone, and feel taken care of. I love the feeling of knowing that someone's always got my back, and cares about me. That's all I want...SIMPLE! EASY! Make it happen world!

What a beautiful mess this is...

I FREAKING LOVE my friends! They are totally the best! I have been so lucky to find such great people! It's so nice when people come through for you when you really need it. I needed a model for school to be there all day, and let me show everything I've learned on their hair, and Sarah did it. She sat in my chair all day while I did little tests on her hair for my instructor. I love that girl to death.

When I needed a model quickly for a hair show, Greg volunteered, and even offered to eat green jello for me! haha. It's just so nice. I seriously LOVE going back to Salt Lake and having everyone sooo excited to see me. The great thing is, I'm definitely excited to see them as well. I look forward to Salt Lake friends sooo much! I just LOVE Salt Lake so much! Just driving into the valley makes my heart feel happy!!! :) It seriously is so beautiful! There is ALWAYS something to do, somewhere to go, a group to pull together and make things happen with. I just love it! PLUS it's so cosmopolitan! I love the metro feel! Provo just seems like a prison sometimes. Like you are constantly being watched, and under someones wing...who knows who that someone even is.

Salt Lake is just amazing. Even more amazing then the wonderment of the city itself are the contents...meaning people!!! I LOVE you guys soooo much! Those were probably the best 2 years of my life! I made the best friends, and I appreciate it so much!!! Life is wonderful! I LOVE YOU ALL! *HUG*
Good thing Provo isn't too far away from Salt Lake! I would probably die!!!!

To the beat of our noisy hearts

I really hate this whole not having a computer thing!!! I really need to talk about the Kelly and Reba concert! It seems like such old news now, but I LOVED it!!! It was soooo much fun!!! Elyse, Tim, and I went! It was amazing! Tim handled all of the Reba songs, and I did the Kelly songs, and between the 2 of us, we sang every song right along with them! It was amazing!!! SOOOO great!!! :)

You've been living your whole life in a seatbelt. Time to unclick!

Life in Provo has not come as easily as I had hoped it would. Somehow I just assumed that it would fall into my lap, and people would be lining up the door to be friends with me because my wonderful friends in Salt Lake boosted me so high that it seemed like I was a wonderful person! Well not that I'm not, but it's like people here don't know that. I'm hiding under some sort of invisible rock. Someone lift the rock!!! PLEASE!!!

Anyway things were really hard the first few weeks. It just seems so cliquey here! Like everyone is nice, sure, but they don't let you in. They just say hi to you in the hallways. It's all a show. I want real friends who I can call up just to talk, or vent. I want people in my life who want to come have game nights at the drop of a hat. I just love the feeling of knowing that people love you.

It is a little ridiculous that since I moved down here I haven't gone more than 2 weeks without coming to Salt Lake for one reason or another. haha. But I just want what I had. I guess it's true that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

On that note, I am sooo grateful for Breanna! Since we became friends we have had so much fun, and she has helped me to find my element, and become the person I was in Salt Lake. I love it!!! And I guess I was just thinking everything would happen as soon as I moved in, Happy Valley and all, but Spince brought up a good point. It took me 2 years to have what I had in Salt Lake. He said I need to give it at least 8 months.

It sucks picking up and starting over again, but it is good. It helps you learn. And it's what I convinced myself I wanted. I wanted to make new friends and have new adventures. I just know that I have to and will always make new friends, but keep the old, for one is silver and the other gold. Haha corny I know! But people LOVE corn! haha!

It's like picking up trash in dresses

So I heard this commercial that went like this:

"If you smoke it might take your life, but if you don't you might beat your wife."

How ridiculous?!?! Are you kidding me? You might beat your wife?!??! WHAT??!?!?!??!?! AHHHH!!!

I woke up this morning with bitterness in my mouth

I know I rant about this every year, but I really don't like snow!!! I feel that it is so useless. Every good thing that comes from it can be gained from rain as well, and faster! Really now, snow is wet, messy, dangerous, gets muddy and gross, covers things, impairs drivers, makes it so you can't see the lines when driving and parking. It's just really annoying!!! UGH! Snow is so annoying!

The air is stale with things unsaid

Oh how I love Halloween! It's so grand! This year turned out pretty fun! We all dressed up at school, and had a little party. I was Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. :) I was so excited! My hair was so cute, it was in a little french braids, then the ends were curled. So cute! We basically just sat around and got ready for the first 2 hours of school. Then student council started setting up, and I decided I didn't want to set up, and I officially didn't want to be on student council anymore. I felt bad and a bit guilty for not helping, but it was just something I had to do for myself. I have no time, and so much stress as it is, I don't need to pile anymore on myself. Plus it's not at all like student council should be where we vote on ideas, and do things as a team, so that really turned me off about it.

But the day turned out so fun, I went to Kneeders with Alex, Chynna, and Drew. It was so great! It's a lot like Paradise Bakery in Salt Lake, and I really miss that place, so it was nice. :) Then we came back to school, and played charades, I must admit it got a little boring after the first 20 min, but it was fun, then had costume contests, and a hot dog eating contest, then scary movies. It was pretty fun! :) I watched Prom Night. It was pretty messed up! All of the main character's close friends and family members died, it was really horrible!!!

After school Brea and I went to this Dreaded Grove in Pleseant Grove with her roommates, and their friend, who was quite cute and I must say we were flirting. :) It was fun! It's always nice to have a boy to hold onto when you get scared and freak out, and a guy with a chain saw is chasing you!

Then we rushed home so I could be there when Tim and his friend Andrew came over. We were planning on going to this castle place by the Mental Hospital to watch Sweeney Todd, but it was an outdoor thing, and it was raining, so we ended up just going to Elyse's to watch the movie. It was fun, I ended up playing with Elyse and Tim's hair the whole movie. Then we went back to Tim's car, and it wasn't there!!!! We all gasped and he called the tow company. They had it. His car was towed, and he had to pay $150 to get it back!!!! Seriously why is Provo so retarded??? Why is there NO where to park? I really don't understand.

It was a pretty relaxed, but fun halloween. :)

There are always so many parties, and fun activities to do on Halloween, it's so fun! I love seeing everyone's costumes, that's probably my favorite part. I saw some really good costumes this year! I was impressed. The only down side to halloween is that some girls take it as an excuse to look slutty and have a reason. It's so annoying!!! But once you get past that there are always tons of festivitites, and treats, loaded with friends, it's just a great holiday! I love it!

Here are some of the amazing, great, cute costumes i saw this year:
*Barbie and Ken, Barbie had ripped Ken's heart out and had it in her purse-Julie and husband
*Edward scissor hands-Keli
*The Joker (Heath Ledger style)-Violet
*Superheros-Becca and Brea
*Rainbow Brite-Jayce
*Harry Potter-Jessie
*Twister board-Alyssa
*Pebbles-Erika
*Halloween/scared-Chynna
*Raggity Ann-Brea's roommate
*A cute pirate-Emily
*A black pimp-Sunny..who is Asian!!! HAHAHAHAHA!
*Tinkerbell-Krista
*A Greek princess-Aubrey

Oh the joys of Halloween I love it!!!