Castles in the sky

Do you ever have one of those letters that you have to write, but not send? You have to get the words out of your head and into the cosmos somehow, but actually sending it might not be the right thing to do at the time? Well that is what I need. I know posting it online for the world to see may not seem like the brightest idea, but I have nothing to hide. I don't want to actually send the letter, but if the parties involved happened upon it I wouldn't be ashamed of anything. :) So here it goes:

Dear *Jan & *Marnie,

I just wanted to let you both know that I will not be coming to the bridal shower. I would like to tell Marnie congratulations, and I am happy for her, and thank you for thinking of me. However, I just cannot go on helping you indulge in the misconstrued fantasy that nothing ever happened between us. I don't know if you realize this or not, but things were so bad I MOVED OUT! In order to ever be on good terms with either of you I really need some closure on this whole issue, and more importantly an apology.

You both really hurt me deeply. I have no idea what I ever did wrong, or why you two suddenly turned against me, and hated me. I am not going to ignore you, or be uncivilized, that is not who I am. I just can't let you get off so easy as to just let you try to become friends again without owning up to the mistakes that you made, or even telling me what the problem was in the first place. Making amends is definitely in order. Life just does not go on...people need to resolve the issues that arise, or else deal with a lot of pent up feelings in the end.

I doubt either of you will deny the deep friendship we shared. Apparently it wasn't that deep for you to just throw it out the window. I think what hurts the most is the fact that indeed we WERE close. We shared amazing memories, secrets, pictures, and fun times, so how could our friendship be tarnished in a matter of a month, over nothing?

As for Jan this was our second shot at friendship I really don't know what there is left to mend. Definitely not trust on my end. Me, you and *Kate were all BFF at the beginning of freshman year. We were inseparable. Then suddenly you break off all contact with us. For no reason and with no explanation. I just don't get it. Why? Can you only have one friend at a time? I really just don't understand. So then when *Lacey and you started drifting apart, you came crawling back to Kate and I. We took you back with open arms, there was no apology, no closure, no speak of what even happened before. I will not allow that to happen twice. This is not right. You need to grow up and take responsibility.

Now is that same thing happening? Marnie is getting married so you need a friend again? I am sorry but you will just have to find a new outlet for your twisted ways of friendship. I can't go through this again. As the old adage goes "shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice. I will not repeat past mistakes. Those few months in the end were the WORST of my entire life. It was miserable, and took me months to overcome.

And as for Marnie, I was always so happy to be on your good side because I knew the verbal abuse that happened behind the backs of those that you despised. How in the world did I get on the other side of that fence. I mean help me out here. If I made a mistake tell me. Honestly I believe the mistake was on your side, not mine.

That being said. Have a good life, and don't expect me to be a part of it anymore. I once was, but will not make such mistakes again. Don't think I won't ever forgive you and that I am holding a grudge. It is not at all like that. I would love to forgive you, in fact I think I have forgiven you, and gotten over it, but I just refuse to make the same mistakes again. That is part of growing up, and going through trials. All I want is closure and an apology. Is that so much?

Sincerely,
Jessica


*Names have been changed to shield the guilty