"I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself."

So basically I got this book of quotes by Mark Twain like eh...sophomore or jr. year of high school in Mr. Domela's class. I remember Heather and I FREAKING out because we got a quote book! Well it took me about 4 years, but I finally got around to reading it! haha and I LOVED some of the quotes!!! I just wanted to share with the blogging community my favorite quotes "the wit and wisdom of Mark Twain" What a great southern guy!
"The noblest work of God? Man. Who found it out? Man."

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries of life disappear and life stands explained."

"Circumstances make man, not man circumstances."

"One never ceases to make a hero of one's self (in private)."
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society."

"However, we must put up without clothes as they are-they have their reason for existing. They are on us to expose us-to advertise what we wear them to conceal."

"There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages."

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man."

"Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the priciple one was that they escaped teething."

"Heroine: girl who is perfectly charming to live with, in a book."

"It takes much to convince the average man of anything; and perhaps nothing can ever make him realize that he is the average woman's inferior."

"We lavish gifts upon them [children]; but the most precious gift-our personal association, which means so much to them-we give grudgingly."

"When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain."

"You can't reason with your heart; it has its own laws and thumps about things which the intellect scorns."

"Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest."

"A man should not be without morals; it is better to have bad morals then none at all."

"To be good is to be noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble."

"Morals are an acquirement-like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis-no man is born with them."

"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example."

"Adam was the author of sin, and I wish he had taken out an international copyright on it."

"Adam did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was not in forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent."

"Adam a man who comes down to us without a stain upon his name, unless it was a stain to take one apple when most of us would have taken the whole crop."
"An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth."

"Conscience takes up more room than all the rest of a person's insides."

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear."

"To believe yourself brave is to be brave."
"It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them."

"Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied."

"If a person offends you and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures. Simply watch your chances to hit him with a brick."
"A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs."

"Modesty died when clothes were born."

"Each race determines for itself what indecencies are. Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them."

"The Christian Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same; but the medical practices change."

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."

"Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been."

"Twenty-four years ago I was strangely handsome. The remains of it are still visible through the rifts of time."
"Whatever a man's age, he can reduce it several years by putting a bright-colored flower in his buttonhole."

"We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it-and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on the hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on the hot stove-lid again-and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore."

"Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world."
"Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn't."

"No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of the ladies."

"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live."

"A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes."
"A classic-something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read."

"Classic. A book which people praise and don't read."

"It seems to me that just in the ratio that our newspapers increase, our morals decay."

"As to the adjective: When in doubt, strike it out."

"It is noble to teach oneself, but still nobler to teach others- and less trouble."

"Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned."

"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want to, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not."

"I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but it has never happened yet."

"It takes me a long time to lose my temper, but once lost I could not find it with a dog."

"It is the little conveniences that make the real comfort of life."

"Do not put off till tomorrow what can be put off till day-after tomorrow just as well."

"Why is it that we rejoice at birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved."

"The Autocrat of Russia possesses more power than any other man in the earth; but he cannot stop a sneeze."

"One is apt to overestimate beauty when it is rare."

"When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn."

"It is a talent by itself to pay compliments gracefully and have them ring true. It's an art in itself."

"Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform."

"Necessity is the mother of taking chances."

"It is easier to stay out then get out."

"Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is the lightning that does the work."

"The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong; he can swear and still be gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way."

"Constellations have always been troublesome things to name. If you give one of them a fanciful name, it will always refuse to live up to it; it will always persist in not resembling the thing it has been named for."

"The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money."

"It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart; the only one to slander you and the other to get the news to you."

"Few of us can stand prosperity-another man's I mean."

"Unexpected money is a delight. The same sum is a bitterness when you expected more."

"Put all your eggs in one basket and WATCH THAT BASKET."