Complexity of the female mind

I was reading some of the things I have posted on other people's blogs and I decided to make a blog of it. I can be pretty ensightful! So I don't know if it will flow..we shall see eh?

You need to go listen to this song by the Wreckers it goes like this "Craaaazzzyyy people fall in love with me..." haha I think we all go through that! There is a classroom full of guys and one at the back of the room catches your eye. Does he hit on you? Nope...the guy two seats down does instead. He isn't cute, or charming, nor does he even possess good social skills. Why can't the cute guy at the end of the row just look your way? Guys are so indecisive and stupid! You can never tell if they like you or how to handle the situation if they do. But how do you really know if they like you??! I don't know! I have never really understood how you can go from crushes one day and bf/gf the next!!! I don't understand! maybe that is because I have never had a boyfriend and have been on like 3 dates (all of which went swimmingly! and I never got a return call!) Why can't life be like that Joan Jet song? "I want you to want me!" Bang! you want me! "I want you to love me!" woah! you love me! (so I stole that from John Tucker Must Die..lol) but honestly! Boys think girls are complicated, and they are so simple, but the fact of it is, boys are just as complicated as girls! They are not simple at all, unless you think that their simplicity is somehow complicated when it enters the female mind...hum...now that is food for thought! I don't know! As it stands right now I am just so confused and I have so much going on in my life I don't even want to deal with a crush, let alone try to unravel the mystery! I just want to have fun! So ask me on dates, or just hang out! Either way....I'm game!

It is weird and intense, but it is true!!! My whole roommate situation has brought me to tears numerous times (like 3 I think haha) and I NEVER cry! NEVER!!! I don't even remember the last time I cried before this! It is just so frustrating and I don't even know if crying solves anything...But somehow it seemed to be the release I needed. I too tend to bottle up my emotions and I put on this brave face like nothing in my life can ever be wrong. I am Jessica! People love me! My life is great!!!! But you know what? I am dying on the inside. I have never gone through anything like what I am going through right now with my roommates, I have never felt so alone, yet surrounded by tons of people before! I know that there are people who love me and would do anything for me, but at the same time sadly those people are taken to the back of my mind and the ones who want to hurt and destroy me are brought to my attention! "Why?" I am plauged with that retorical question?! "What" is also another close friend of mine. What could I have done differently? Why did things turn out this way? What is my role in it all. Why do people react the way they do? What happened?!?!?!?! It hurts and it is intense, but it's real. It's life. It's part of growing up and learning lessons I suppose. Something that has really helped me was to think of WHY this has happened to me? We all ask ourselves...why? why me? ect. the woest me attitude, but I think we should channel the "why" into a more positive ting. Why me? Use it in respects to what did God want me to learn. It really helps! Make a list of things you have actually learned, but actually think about the situation. It helps and you realize that you are more blessed then you think. :)

I would love to talk to strangers more, but there are so many creepy people out there it makes it really awkward!!! You try to say hi in a friendly way and people think you are hitting on them! It really is sad, but I avoid eye contact and listen to my ipod as I cross the street and ride in the elevator, even walking from my car to the school. I just sometimes don't want to feel the awkwardness of silence! And listening to my music is better than trying to think of something totally fake and unimportant to say. But on the other hand if the world suddenly became a friendlier place and every one was friendly in a strictly platonic way then I would totally unplug my ipod!! :) So I guess as a way for making excuses...I'll wait till that happens, but for now...if you are screaming my name, I am probably not ignoring you...I am just pugged in avoiding awkward strangers. hehe..