Keep your friends close and your enemies closer

My view on life/friendship is basically summarized in this one clinched phrase: "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."

For some reason (probably more obvious then I would like to let on) I do not trust people! It sucks, but there: I said it. Inanely I just do not trust motives of the human race. I am the kind of person that if you break my trust in a little way, well whatever, no big deal; but if you lie to me repeatedly or another variety of ways to deceive me and break my trust...you have basically lost my trust forever.

I will forgive you no problem, but you will have to work a lifetime to regain my trust. I will make you think that we are cool, and things are good, but it will always be there in the back of my mind that you did deceive me, and you are more than capable of doing it again. I try to watch my back with everything concerning you just so that I make sure that I don't get hurt or disappointed in the future.

I am not sure if this is a bad thing, a good thing, or if it is just part of my personality, but it really is a burden. I would like to be able to throw my trust around in every direction, and just let it flee freely, but I just can't! I have learned the hard way that by doing this you get hurt! I just don't think I can stand getting hurt any more than I already do. People are my biggest let downs. Close friends especially.

I can't seem to trust people. I don't even trust the people closest to me, and I think that is why I am so bitter about it, and why it stings me the most. I think there are only 2 or 3 people in the world I fully trust. Every other person has given me some reason: some cloud of doubt to think their intentions are misconstrued, or mine are misplaced in them.

So now that we have that background out of the way you can understand why this clinched phrase is one of my mantras! It is basically how I live my life. If I view someone as a threat I will not just dismiss them, I will usually befriend them in some way, and build trust with them so that they will come to me, and tell me what their issues are. This way I can get to the bottom of their intentions and hopefully learn to trust them, or at least know if they are going to stab me in the back later. In this way I feel like I am protecting myself. I am getting the whole story. I also like to hear all versions of a story before I make snap judgments. I can't stand it when someone is blamed for a simple misunderstanding. I think that it is important to get all the facts first.
I am really not sure if this is a bad thing, but it's me! :)

That is it, I just had to get that off my chest! Take it as you will...