"You have a GREAT personality!"

Ugh! Have you ever heard those words uttered? "you have a great personality!" They are usually followed by the word "but." I have actually been thinking about this statement constantly lately. A letter I just received confirmed that I should blog about it!!! It went a little something like this:

"WOW! My companion just asked if I was writing to any chicas and I said yes. Then he said are they hot? and I said, it's not all about looks (only some) it's the personality that counts, and I mean you, because you have one of the BEST personalities I have ever met! And I'm not just saying that!"

Wow I have a good personality? Thanks! That is a great compliment! I really appreciate it! Honestly I do, but on that same token..what exactly does that mean? Are those words an easy way to say...you're ugly, but hey don't worry your personality is ok? Or in other words you are a good friend, but I would never go out with you because you aren't pretty enough. Is that how it works? Girls can either be hot OR have good personalities? Not both? Or is it simply the fact that I am not hot, but I do happen to have a good personality? It is just that Some girls have both, but I however do not? What is it? Someone please answer me this.

I mean don't get me wrong, I love to hear my personality is amazing because I know that is important! And I love me! I love who I am! But honestly! If guys were looking for amazing personalities why haven't they found me???

Answer: because they are more focused on looks. Apparently I have a great personality, but I must not be hot enough. Is that it? I like to think of myself as a cute girl. Am I totally mistaken in this assumption? I just don't understand! Sometimes honesty is the best policy...so be honest!

Another example of this feeling is the fact that I have TONS of guy friends...but no leads on a relationship. Apparently I am great to talk to, but not to date...why is that? Because I am a few pounds heavier than the ditsy blondes that guys seem to prefer? One of my best friends is a guy and we tell each other EVERYTHING, (including relationship drama...his of course) and he has even told me you are cute, and you have a GREAT personality and wonderful fashion sense! But I guess I'm just not cute enough, or hot enough...or something enough. If it isn't looks then what is it? Obviously I am missing something pretty vital! I am 19 and have never had a boyfriend. Is that a totally horrible thing to admit? It seems like it when I talk to friends who go through boys like I do flip flops. It seems like an embarrassing thing to admit that I am still VL. IS it? Is it a bad thing? What makes a good girlfriend if not a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen? If it isn't someone to laugh with/at, and do fun things with then what? Oh yeah...killer looks apparently! Yet another example I was reading something one of my friends wrote and it went a little something like this:(that always reminds me of that Aaron Carter's song Aaron's Party Come and Get It! haha "and it went a little something like this!")

"I was hanging out with my 3 friends (whom he actually names, but for this purpose shall remain nameless...I was one of the three) and it was so fun because 2 of them (the 2 who again he names, but the ones that aren't me) are super hot!" I was like um...ok....thanks...so what exactly are you implying by that??? I mean was it necessary to name the two of them and not me? Or why not just say because they were all hot? Maybe he didn't want to lie. Am I not hot? Is that why? I just don't understand! No comprendo! I'm supposedly this super fun girl with a winning personality, but people don't count themselves lucky to be my friend because....because I am not hot? Is that it? Oh boy...

Another dent in my armor is one of my friends. She is not at all BEAUTIFUL, she's cute...but she's really silly and immature (don't get me wrong I LOVE her to death! She is just not what I imagine a guy wanting). So why then does this girl get ALL the guys!!! Why? I don't understand! If personality is so important then why do the silly, ditsy, immature, cute girls get all the guys? Why do the average girls with "good personalities" get left in the gutter with tons of friends, but no relationships? Why life? Why are you so cruel? Will love ever find me? Oh gosh, sorry I sound like a baby right now, but I just had to get this off my chest! It is not something I would usually say out loud...ever! I usually bottle those type of feelings up and force them to the back of my mind pretending that they don't exist and won't fester up for a long time. I never let them out because I know it's not attractive! But apparently I'm not so attractive anyways, so I suppose it really doesn't matter! So I figure it is the best for me to release these feelings into air! Go little thoughts of self doubt, little butterflies of vanity, birds of egotism...go! be free! (haha..I was trying to be metaphorical!)